I got up this morning and remembered to do my gratitude list while in the shower. Which lead to remembering the first time I had stage fright (Christmas play where I played St Nick (only because I spoke french and this was a french part in an English play) and as I am to hand over the doll house to the "child", it falls apart and crashed to the floor, everyone laughs and I forget my line and I run off the stage in tears and completely humiliated - and I see my dad and step mom laughing too. That lead to me remember the time I was at the Miss Teen Pageant (provincial qualifier) and didn't get picked to go to the semi final round and I ran off stage in tears and completely humiliated (I'm starting to see a pattern here). And then I started to flash back (or is that forward) to the times where I tried to speak publicly (at conventions and such) and got all panicky and forgot what to say and my head spinning and heart pounding and and and ... So I tapped on it for several minutes, 10 I think, including forgiving those that laughed at me and forced me to do these things.
Then when I started to get dressed I decided to look at myself in the full length mirror and talk to myself the way I talk to my son, encouraging, loving, non judgemental, and tell myself I love me, then I started flashing on all the times men told me I was frigid, stupid, all the men who hurt me and abandoned me (starting with my dad of course, didn't he set the stage for my life after all?), so I tapped and tapped and forgave them and forgave myself and then I incorporated some loving affirmations and looked myself in the eye and I saw the twinkle appear.
Amazing stuff!
So my day has been amazing!
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